Until tomorrow...

I really resent goodbyes....so I will try to make this quick. Thank you, thank you for giving me a chance. You have made me happier than I have ever been. Even though we had our ups and downs, it was all worth it. We never had a dull moment. It is hard to have to leave you right now, when things were getting so good! But It's for the better! Each of us will be doing our own things, growing and becoming who we are supposed to be. And who knows, maybe in a couple years our paths may cross again! Anyways, I am going to miss you soo much. There won't be a day that you don't cross my mind. Remember that I love you Alyssa. I do, and can't wait till we can see each other again. Goodbye Lyss, remember that you are amazing. That you can become anything that you set your mind to. Never let your guard down, the adversary is just waiting for you to do so. Be the best you that you can be :) The Lord Is here to help and guide you along the path you are meant to take. The Lord and god love you unconditionally!

 I love you . 

(Elder) Jared Collins

P.s. I wrote that before we actually said bye. This next part is what's on my mind afterwards. (Stayed up all night writing it, and looking back on our pictures😭❤️)(and looking at the little momentos that are great memories we had)

Wow, Alyssa. I cannot believe that tonight was it....the last moments that we will have for two years. Im lying here in bed playing over and over in my head every memory that we have..and Lyss, I already miss you so much, knowing that we are both still here but I cannot talk to you or see you. When we were driving around talking about everything, I was trying my hardest to not show how much I was dying inside. Knowing that it was the last time we will hold hands, the last time to scratch your back, the last time holding your waiste as you look at me searching my soul. Sitting there on the top of the hill watching the beautiful storm, holding you in my arms and cherishing every moment. The longer the night went on, the more real it kept becoming. I tried to hold my emotions in, But once I looked at you, and you had just shed the first tear...I couldn't hide them anymore. When we hugged I just couldn't take it anymore....to hold you tight to me for just one last time put me over the tipping point. I never wanted to let go because I knew that once I let go then you will be gone... We sat there for a moment and just looked each other in the eyes so I grabbed you and pulled you in closer and kissed your forehead followed by another long embrace. Then To kiss your lips that one last time...felt like it lasted forever when really is was just a small moment. As I stood there watching you drive away for the last time for 2 years I completely lost it. I sat on the ground and just wept, all I could think about is how much I love you. I am sooo excited to hear about all that will happen while I am gone! You are going to do some amazing things!!! Remember that I see soo much greatness in you!:) You have always made me want to be a better person! Thank you Alyssa Marie Tycksen.

I will forever be greatful to you for giving me that little chance!!

 I cannot believe this is it....

Goodbye,

I will see you in 2.5 years:) can't wait!!!:)

I love you Alyssa. 

-Elder Jared Francis Collins

#love

I don't know how you will take it, but just know that this is real. Real talk.

Do you remember when you were asked what you liked about me, and you said that we were "best buds"? That was discouraging.

Do you remember when we first hugged? That was so embarrassing.

Do you remember when I tried to hold your hand in the car? Too akward.

Do you remeber when we sat there and laughed for hours at sub zero? I loved that.

Do you remember? 

I used to think I knew what love was, but to my dismay, I don't. It took me 18 years to understand what it is. Love is when you can have nothing, but still be happy. Love is where you finish eachothers sentences. You talk about the ups and the downs and leave nothing out. Love is when you can look at someone in the eyes and have that "connection" a connection that can never be broken.

That is love.

But even though in love, someone always gets hurt. And yet we still desire so much to have the feeling of "love". That feeling is worth dying for.

You are the one person that I could tell anything to and you would listen. You will laugh at all my stupid jokes. You are the most amazing girl I have ever met. I love they way you are so blunt with things. I love that you are real. I love that you love to be adventurous. I love that you are spontaneous. I love that we can spend a whole day together and still not want to go home. I love that you aren't afraid to try new things. I love it when you wear your hair natural. I love that you are so confident. I love that you can take my jokes and not take them seriously. I love that you have the best comebacks that shut me down. I love that you think I'm "overly sensitive". You don't know this, but I respect you more than anyone. So much that I am afraid to scare you away, to lose you. When we are together time stops and all I can focus on is You. You are all I think about night and day. 

Love is you.

And I am inlove with YOU.

#love

Burned the bridge. (What I read at the open mic)

Life is all about time,

With out time

We wouldn't be able to remember

I want to remember.

I wish that I go back and remember everything I've ever done

That way I can't basque in all of my glory, my success, my accomplishments.

But..

I know that I would be so stuck in my pit of dispair, disappointment, losses

My life seems that it's a downhill slope.

The look of disappointment on your mothers face when you let her down.

The way your father hits you for making your mom cry

You thought you were cool.

But you aren't.

That bridge is now burned 

Life won't ever be the same.  

Well Shit.

...Was it worth it?

I am.....

I am a man who used to be super social and had no fear. But Since sophomore year, I have lost my edge. All of my old friends are now just aquaintances.. It all happened when my friends started hanging out with the kids from Mt. Ridge. It was the summer of ninth grade and I was gone all of the time because my family traveled, when I finally got a chance to hangout at the end of the summer I barely knew anyone anymore. I didn't know what to do so I just went home. Since that day I have not been the same, no matter how hard I try to be as social, I can't. But I don't complain About it because I wouldn't be the man that I am today if I didn't go through that struggle. I am so glad that I went through that because I like the person I have become and I see what I could have been and I don't think I want to be that person. 

It was hard, don't get me wrong! But what can I do, life threw at me a curveball and I ended up making something out of it. Thanks life, you have done me well.

I am....Jared Collins

Paris

Daytime in Paris is quiet and peaceful. Everyone does their own thing. But when people are alone at night or at parties, they go all out and say things out of their comfort zone. Like these blogs, we all have this way we act in society. But when we can hide behind a pen name, we suddenly are comfortable saying all of our secrets because no one will ever know it was you.

But that isn't entirely true, we are going to have to declare to the world who we are. I am not sure what I feel about this. I understand that it is what should happen. But it is scary, to know that in just over a day we will be announcing our identities. Ahh I hate being nervous, I mean I shouldn't be nervouse because there are only a couple of people who read this but it's still terrifying. 

I like it though. It is teaching me to overcome my fear. This class has done that for me countless times. My life has been changed due to Mr. Nelson. Thank you, you are such an inspiration in my life and I owe the world to you. Thank you for being my friend. Thanks.

What the hell.

I have never been so happy in my life. I didn't realize how down I was until I let her go. I thought life would end without her. I thought she was my whole life, all of my happiness. But I was wrong. So wrong, she was holding me back! She had me on a leash of unlimited sadness. I never thought depression would hit me in the face. But it came at me so hard that I went insane. 

She was a roadblock in my pursuit of happiness. A locked door in my mind. Without even knowing it she tied me down and locked me in a closet. I was restricted on who I could talk to, how creative I can be. But now that I cut her off, my mind is like a endless stream of creativity. I found a new girl. 

She has completely changed my life for the best. She let's me be me, let's me do what I want. I feel true happiness now. And I wish for everyone to have this same feeling that I have. So those of you that think life cannot be livable without that person. You're wrong! Give it a shot. Yeah it sucks. But buck up and get out of your bed out of your whole of dispair and live! Find someone that let's you live your life! Wake up! Who gives a shit what people will think. Be yourself.

Swimming.

Life is all about time,

With out time, there is no life.

We wouldn't be able to remember

I want to remember.

I wish that I go back and remember everything I've ever done

That way I can't basque in all of my glory, my success, my accomplishments.

But..

I know that I would be so stuck in my pit of dispair, disappointment, losses

My life seems that it's a downhill slope.

The equation is (1 good thing= 7 failures)

Failure. I know that my life has been just so much disappointment.

That look on your mothers face when you let her down.

The way your father hits you for disobeying

And you go to your room and say the words.

"I hate them"

Those words that you would never dare say to their faces 

And you go rebel against them just to piss them off.

Until that day.

You are sitting in school,

Your brother calls you and says they're gone.

While you were in your rebellion,

They went to look for you.

As you were in the woods lighting up,

Your parents nearly get blown up..

That semi driver fell asleep for just a moment and take your parents out just like that.

.......

You thought you were cool.

But now your parents lie in a pool of blood

You ask yourself.

...Was it worth it?