I'm burnt.

I'm really tired of everything right now. There is just so much crap I have to deal with and it sucks. I just wish that there are no more trials in my life. I want to be peaceful and happy. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy.  I miss the times that I loved life, when life was so easy. I am sick of it. It is so annoying that I try my hardest to live a good life but it seems like no matter what I do or say, I'm always making someone mad or upset with me. A lot of the times, I'm making me mad at me. I just look at myself and think what the heck are you doing with your life? 

I feel like I'm one of those people that have dual personalities. Like I don't know how, but I can go from being super happy to depressed and down in a matter of seconds. Maybe I am bipolar... I hope not. Because then people will look at me like I'm this handicapped kid and I will just be pushed away by everyone. But if I was bipolar that would make a lot of sense about most of my life...I can't be bipolar. I don't want to be all drugged up on medicines that I cannot even pronounce??

 I want to live a normal life. But what is normal? Is there such thing as normal? I don't know, I know that I am not normal at all. Maybe everyone thinks that they aren't normal. Normal cannot e an actual standard. It has to just be what people perceive it to be. I don't want to be normal. Normal people are boring. I like being spontaneous and just always trying to have a good time. I wish life was....

Things I hate.

-people 

-cats

-mini vans

-when people look over my shoulder at.  my phone

-love

-romantic movies

-being sick

-being heartbroken

-trying to be someone I'm not

-living up to my dads expectations

-losing

-knowing things won't get better

-when people think im dumb

-when people treat me like I don't    know anything

-turkey jerky 

-vegan burgers

-being inadequate

-not being in control

-being picked on

-being told I'm not good enough of a    example

-having a girlfriend 

-feeling unwanted

-working out

-doing chores

-cleaning

-driving

-other drivers on the road that go slow

-my looks

I don't really hate all this. I  am really bugged by this, but I don't hate them. 

No promises..

I'm afraid to talk to you now. I don't know what to say. To go from being totally in love to not even talking. All in a matter of minutes..honestly all I wanna do is die. This feeling is unbearable. I can't even keep my self together. I'm a wreck. I'm scared for the future of us. Will you now go for my best friends? Because I can see that. And if you do then I won't have any friends anymore because I can't stand seeing you with them. So I would end up being more depressed. Being depressed really sucks. It's so hard to see the bright side of it because there isn't one. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Life is hell. With only one way out. But that's not an option. So I guess I will just have to suck it up. Dang.

Love sucks. Moving on is even worse. I will try...but no promises...no promises....

:(

To whom it may concern..

Mind your own business. Like honestly. It is no ones right to ask me about stuff? If I want to talk about things then I will confront you. I hate when something happens and all of the sudden people are telling you what happened in a super exaggerated and wrong way!? What the...? Who do they think they are...telling me about my life, my experiences, like really?? Mind your own damn business. Don't you dare come up to me and tell me how to live my life. I will just straight up beat the living shit out of you. I am done with it. EVERYONE tells me how to handle my life and what to do and what not to do. Did anyone tell Einstein how to live his life? No!! He didn't care, he just did what he did and was the smartest man ever!!! Just think of the potential all of us would have if no one judged us. Or tried to control us..? The possibilities are freaking endless!!! So if you are that judgmental person...please stay away from me..I don't want to become this person that I am not. Let me do my thing. 

Thank you.

:)

Just Do It.

According to society, we do what ever they tell us to do. Whether we like it or not, if our group is doing something we will end up doing it also. It is absolutely insane! We all say that we could resist but I don't think we can...like you can resist it for a little while but in time, you will conform to the group or you will leave. That is just a simple fact! So if you don't like what a group of people are doing then leave them and find a new group to be apart of. That is the best option. I'm kindof in that situation...and it is a lot easier said than done..but it defiantly is possible, I have seen it done. So the best piece of advice I have got is to...."Just Do It"...because it's worthless to beat around the bush and just put it off till another day, but you just gotta buck up and get it over with.

Just Do It

Screw society.

I miss space camp. It was honestly the best part of my childhood. Just to go through the experience...it was amazing. But I just want to go back to the days where life was simple. Life was full of fun with no worries. Nowadays it's little fun with soooo many worries. It sucks. Why do we have to grow up? I want to stay a kid. But if I did then I would be mocked and probably be put in a mental institution haha idk. Inside me I want to stay true to myself and be a young sprout. But with the world changing I find myself going with the flow to become a boring old tree. I don't like being boring..I want to be the fun, awesome, thrill seeking kid I used to be. Now I find myself being the Debbie downer that doesn't want to go do the crazy stuff I used to do. Take me back. I want my inner child to come out and sprout. But I would be mocked....screw society.

Take me home.

Home. 

Where is home? Is it a real thing? Or is it a figment of our imagination? I think it is all in our head. Home is not where the love is?! Home is where ever you can be you. Where you can be comfortable. I have my home. It is my bedroom. I can be me and do what ever I want to do. But everyone has their own home. As far as I know, someone's home could be the porta potty up the street ha. Just take me to my home. It is calling me. It is begging me to come to it because it misses me. Let me go. Take me home.

Please..?

Let me die.

I don't want to die. 

Wait, 

Check that,

I do want to die.

To have all my worries stop

Become a faded memory

Never again feel like a failure

For once, be noticed

I will finally be missed

be loved

Be someone people wish they knew

Be someone 

But wait,

This will all be temporary

People will forget

People will stop caring

I will be forgotten...

So who am I kidding?

I want to live

I want to have the chance to be know

To be someone

To one day be loved

Let me live.

Let me be me.

I hate feeling like i have to be someone that I am not, I want to be myself. I hate having my dad tell me to be my older brother. Like really dad?? Let me be my own self. I am my own person. When he tells me to act more like my brother....I honestly just want to tell him to back the hell off and let me be me. It pisses me off so much. And then he left on his mission and things got better! And it was all good! But now he just came home...and my dad wants me to stop all I do in my life and just change myself completely to become him. I just hate it.

Let me be me.

The Dark.

Fear. 

What is fear?

Is it a feeling or is it just a thought?

Are we born with fears,

Or do we learn to be fearful?

I honestly don't know, 

But it is a good question

I myself am afraid of a lot of things

I am afraid of failure

I am afraid that I won't be good enough

I won't be adequate

I'm afraid of being a loser 

I'm afraid of dying 

I'm afraid of messing up

I'm afraid of the dark

I'm afraid of being alone

I'm afraid of life

I think it'd be easier to name the things I'm not afraid of..that list would be shorter..

Peace