What the hell.

I have never been so happy in my life. I didn't realize how down I was until I let her go. I thought life would end without her. I thought she was my whole life, all of my happiness. But I was wrong. So wrong, she was holding me back! She had me on a leash of unlimited sadness. I never thought depression would hit me in the face. But it came at me so hard that I went insane. 

She was a roadblock in my pursuit of happiness. A locked door in my mind. Without even knowing it she tied me down and locked me in a closet. I was restricted on who I could talk to, how creative I can be. But now that I cut her off, my mind is like a endless stream of creativity. I found a new girl. 

She has completely changed my life for the best. She let's me be me, let's me do what I want. I feel true happiness now. And I wish for everyone to have this same feeling that I have. So those of you that think life cannot be livable without that person. You're wrong! Give it a shot. Yeah it sucks. But buck up and get out of your bed out of your whole of dispair and live! Find someone that let's you live your life! Wake up! Who gives a shit what people will think. Be yourself.

Swimming.

Life is all about time,

With out time, there is no life.

We wouldn't be able to remember

I want to remember.

I wish that I go back and remember everything I've ever done

That way I can't basque in all of my glory, my success, my accomplishments.

But..

I know that I would be so stuck in my pit of dispair, disappointment, losses

My life seems that it's a downhill slope.

The equation is (1 good thing= 7 failures)

Failure. I know that my life has been just so much disappointment.

That look on your mothers face when you let her down.

The way your father hits you for disobeying

And you go to your room and say the words.

"I hate them"

Those words that you would never dare say to their faces 

And you go rebel against them just to piss them off.

Until that day.

You are sitting in school,

Your brother calls you and says they're gone.

While you were in your rebellion,

They went to look for you.

As you were in the woods lighting up,

Your parents nearly get blown up..

That semi driver fell asleep for just a moment and take your parents out just like that.

.......

You thought you were cool.

But now your parents lie in a pool of blood

You ask yourself.

...Was it worth it?

Devastated chair.

I will be back....

The inside of a heart.

I wish that I could write all of the emotions that I am currently feeling.

I am an emotional time bomb that is about to explode.

The anger I have been holding in for so long is just begging to come out.

The grief is just clawing at my soul.

The happiness is absent.

I just want to claw my eyes out.

If there was anyway that I could let it out but not seriously injure any individual,

I would do it.

Sign me up...

How to become great.

Greatness, how do you achieve such a high role. How do I become someone that people call great? I want to be great but I know that it is just not really possible with how I love my life. I had this seminary teacher last year who taught me something that I took it as false doctorine. "If you mess up in life, like have sex before marriage, or look at porn, or smoke, or drink, etc. then your life will not reach it's highest potential. Even if you repent" I took that as it was a load of crap! But now I can see what he is saying. He is saying that if we do that then we are losing our innocence and we will end up going down a different path than we were on not that it's a bad one! But it's just not the perfect one. You know what I'm saying? Well I have thought of a plan of steps to stay on track with our lives. 

1- listen to your parents: they know what's best for you, trust them.

2- listen to your teachers/religious organization: they are there to help you achieve greatness in life.

3- believe in your gut: if you feel like you shouldn't do something, don't do it. Because it's probably now what you should be doing.

4- stay out of situations that will tempt you to cross the boundaries you shouldn't cross.

5- do service: I think doing service is one of the most important things you could do. If you are screwing up, by helping others out makes it so you; 1. Can feel better about yourself, 2. Show god that you want to be a good person. 

I personally believe that by doing these things you will be able to not only help your own life, but help those around you whether you realize it or not. 

Peace. 

Manchester black

It is what it is.

Opening up.

How do you know how to open up to people? 

When do you know if it's appropriate to open up? 

How do you know if you have a good enough relationship to open up?

I tend to find myself opening up to people I shouldn't be. Like I think I have a good enough relationship with them, but I don't have one at all. I guess I'm just a trusting person. That's a blessing and a curse..sometimes I just trust everyone and then someone lets me down and loses my trust..then I start to question all of my relationships....

Ahhh life is hard. There is just so much expected of me that I don't know what to do! Idk it just sucks.

I think that the way you can tell if it is appropriate to open up to someone is to test them. Like tell them little things that don't really matter, And see if they tell people. That way you can establish a foundation of trust. Then you can start telling them stuff. 

This is a really personal thing, knowing if you can tell someone something. Like you will just have to know, no one can tell you how to do this but yourself. I'm sorry that I can't help but it is what it is.

I'm tired.

Peace.

Manchester black

Utah

Utah.

He played where light on the vast coast

Wanted to finally visit Utah.

Hydrogen peroxide.

Can we be friends? 

Do you want to play?

 Why don't you like me?

 Let's be best friends?

 Come over here?

 I wanna play with you...

get in my van. 

Well.....that escalated quickly....I bet when you were reading that you were thinking its kids asking eachother to play and stuff. But no, your wrong. It's a sex drivin creep who is trying to get with a little kid...

 As much as we all try to deny it, there are actually people like this. Our society is corrupt. For some reason people think it is okay to get with younger people. But it's sooo wrong! But for some reason, it's okay in certain ways......for example:

"My husband and I are madly in love and we are just so excited to be together! We are going down to his yacht this weekend then following that we are going to one of his 200 houses around the world!!

For my 23 birthday we are going to go up to the space station!!!:) I have always wanted to go to the space station! Just to be in the unforgiving space, would be amazing:) 

My husband turns 74 this month....." 

Are you kidding me!? A beautiful young woman is married to an old rich hag?? What is wrong with society!?!? When she was born, he was 51...when she was in highschool he was 68....imagine marrying someone as old as your grand parents.. How has this become accepted? That is no different from a creepy pedophile...so if they get married its all of the sudden okay? 

I don't know...I guess I just don't understand anyone ha. I will be the different one. Maybe one day I will start a movement to end this madness! 

But probably not...that takes courage that I don't have...it takes bravery...

I care too much about what people think about me. I find myself always trying to please everyone. 

I need to break out of my shell...I need to evolve into a "beautiful butterfly"...I need to let go of my pride and live! JUST LIVE!!

But as of right now...I'm a coward...I'm scared....I'll just stay in my shell...turn the lights out....say my prayers....

Goodnight.

-Manchester Black

Life is full of surprises

Life's seasons.

I think about you...

Like grass thinks about growing,

Like wind thinks about flowing,

Like girls think about...........boys.

I'm thinking about you...

Like phones think about ringing,

Like birds think about singing,

Like dogs think about.......peeing.

I'm thinking about you...

Like clocks think about ticking,

Like lips think about licking,

Like toilets think about......poop.

I'm thinking about you...

Like athletes think about games,

Like boys think they have..game,

Like blacks think we're the....same..? (That was very racist, I'm sorry)

I'm thinking about you...

Like pencils think about writing,

Like nails think about biting,

Like ropes think about tightening

I'm thinking about you...

Like ladies think about boys,

Like men think about toys.

I'm thinking about you...

Like teachers think about teaching,

Like preachers think about preaching 

Like kneaders thinks about....French toast..

I'm thinking about you...

Like winter thinks about snowing,

Like like Mexicans think about mowing.

I think about you..

-Manchester black 

Perfect balance

I don't know how to forgive...I like to think I do, but I know that I cannot. Forgiving others is not something I am good at...but I have the desire to forgive them. I don't think that means anything but who knows? Maybe it does.

The hardest person for me to forgive is me. I find it impossible for me to forgive myself. I always end up hating myself for all that I have done. Even though I have been forgiven by others and god, I find it soo hard to forgive myself.

I have always been taught to forgive and forget. I think I have forgiven myself a couple of times, but I can't seem to forget about what I have done. I need to get to the point that all that matters is that I have a balanced life, between tight jeans, any clothing, shoes, 

We all need to find that perfect balance In life because....

I'm burnt.

I'm really tired of everything right now. There is just so much crap I have to deal with and it sucks. I just wish that there are no more trials in my life. I want to be peaceful and happy. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy.  I miss the times that I loved life, when life was so easy. I am sick of it. It is so annoying that I try my hardest to live a good life but it seems like no matter what I do or say, I'm always making someone mad or upset with me. A lot of the times, I'm making me mad at me. I just look at myself and think what the heck are you doing with your life? 

I feel like I'm one of those people that have dual personalities. Like I don't know how, but I can go from being super happy to depressed and down in a matter of seconds. Maybe I am bipolar... I hope not. Because then people will look at me like I'm this handicapped kid and I will just be pushed away by everyone. But if I was bipolar that would make a lot of sense about most of my life...I can't be bipolar. I don't want to be all drugged up on medicines that I cannot even pronounce??

 I want to live a normal life. But what is normal? Is there such thing as normal? I don't know, I know that I am not normal at all. Maybe everyone thinks that they aren't normal. Normal cannot e an actual standard. It has to just be what people perceive it to be. I don't want to be normal. Normal people are boring. I like being spontaneous and just always trying to have a good time. I wish life was....

Things I hate.

-people 

-cats

-mini vans

-when people look over my shoulder at.  my phone

-love

-romantic movies

-being sick

-being heartbroken

-trying to be someone I'm not

-living up to my dads expectations

-losing

-knowing things won't get better

-when people think im dumb

-when people treat me like I don't    know anything

-turkey jerky 

-vegan burgers

-being inadequate

-not being in control

-being picked on

-being told I'm not good enough of a    example

-having a girlfriend 

-feeling unwanted

-working out

-doing chores

-cleaning

-driving

-other drivers on the road that go slow

-my looks

I don't really hate all this. I  am really bugged by this, but I don't hate them. 

No promises..

I'm afraid to talk to you now. I don't know what to say. To go from being totally in love to not even talking. All in a matter of minutes..honestly all I wanna do is die. This feeling is unbearable. I can't even keep my self together. I'm a wreck. I'm scared for the future of us. Will you now go for my best friends? Because I can see that. And if you do then I won't have any friends anymore because I can't stand seeing you with them. So I would end up being more depressed. Being depressed really sucks. It's so hard to see the bright side of it because there isn't one. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Life is hell. With only one way out. But that's not an option. So I guess I will just have to suck it up. Dang.

Love sucks. Moving on is even worse. I will try...but no promises...no promises....

:(

To whom it may concern..

Mind your own business. Like honestly. It is no ones right to ask me about stuff? If I want to talk about things then I will confront you. I hate when something happens and all of the sudden people are telling you what happened in a super exaggerated and wrong way!? What the...? Who do they think they are...telling me about my life, my experiences, like really?? Mind your own damn business. Don't you dare come up to me and tell me how to live my life. I will just straight up beat the living shit out of you. I am done with it. EVERYONE tells me how to handle my life and what to do and what not to do. Did anyone tell Einstein how to live his life? No!! He didn't care, he just did what he did and was the smartest man ever!!! Just think of the potential all of us would have if no one judged us. Or tried to control us..? The possibilities are freaking endless!!! So if you are that judgmental person...please stay away from me..I don't want to become this person that I am not. Let me do my thing. 

Thank you.

:)

Just Do It.

According to society, we do what ever they tell us to do. Whether we like it or not, if our group is doing something we will end up doing it also. It is absolutely insane! We all say that we could resist but I don't think we can...like you can resist it for a little while but in time, you will conform to the group or you will leave. That is just a simple fact! So if you don't like what a group of people are doing then leave them and find a new group to be apart of. That is the best option. I'm kindof in that situation...and it is a lot easier said than done..but it defiantly is possible, I have seen it done. So the best piece of advice I have got is to...."Just Do It"...because it's worthless to beat around the bush and just put it off till another day, but you just gotta buck up and get it over with.

Just Do It

Screw society.

I miss space camp. It was honestly the best part of my childhood. Just to go through the experience...it was amazing. But I just want to go back to the days where life was simple. Life was full of fun with no worries. Nowadays it's little fun with soooo many worries. It sucks. Why do we have to grow up? I want to stay a kid. But if I did then I would be mocked and probably be put in a mental institution haha idk. Inside me I want to stay true to myself and be a young sprout. But with the world changing I find myself going with the flow to become a boring old tree. I don't like being boring..I want to be the fun, awesome, thrill seeking kid I used to be. Now I find myself being the Debbie downer that doesn't want to go do the crazy stuff I used to do. Take me back. I want my inner child to come out and sprout. But I would be mocked....screw society.

Take me home.

Home. 

Where is home? Is it a real thing? Or is it a figment of our imagination? I think it is all in our head. Home is not where the love is?! Home is where ever you can be you. Where you can be comfortable. I have my home. It is my bedroom. I can be me and do what ever I want to do. But everyone has their own home. As far as I know, someone's home could be the porta potty up the street ha. Just take me to my home. It is calling me. It is begging me to come to it because it misses me. Let me go. Take me home.

Please..?

Let me die.

I don't want to die. 

Wait, 

Check that,

I do want to die.

To have all my worries stop

Become a faded memory

Never again feel like a failure

For once, be noticed

I will finally be missed

be loved

Be someone people wish they knew

Be someone 

But wait,

This will all be temporary

People will forget

People will stop caring

I will be forgotten...

So who am I kidding?

I want to live

I want to have the chance to be know

To be someone

To one day be loved

Let me live.

Let me be me.

I hate feeling like i have to be someone that I am not, I want to be myself. I hate having my dad tell me to be my older brother. Like really dad?? Let me be my own self. I am my own person. When he tells me to act more like my brother....I honestly just want to tell him to back the hell off and let me be me. It pisses me off so much. And then he left on his mission and things got better! And it was all good! But now he just came home...and my dad wants me to stop all I do in my life and just change myself completely to become him. I just hate it.

Let me be me.

The Dark.

Fear. 

What is fear?

Is it a feeling or is it just a thought?

Are we born with fears,

Or do we learn to be fearful?

I honestly don't know, 

But it is a good question

I myself am afraid of a lot of things

I am afraid of failure

I am afraid that I won't be good enough

I won't be adequate

I'm afraid of being a loser 

I'm afraid of dying 

I'm afraid of messing up

I'm afraid of the dark

I'm afraid of being alone

I'm afraid of life

I think it'd be easier to name the things I'm not afraid of..that list would be shorter..

Peace

Be That Guy.

Friends. 

What is a friend?

Does a friend ditch you on a Friday night?

When you are sad and down, does a friend just put you said and forget about you?

No. 

A friend should be there.

A friend should never let you go.

A true friend will not be the one who bails.

A friend is your colleague 

A friend needs to be your friend.

Everyone needs a friend. 

With out friends we are nothing.

Without the support system friends give us we would die.

We cannot get through this life alone.

We also need to be that friend to others. 

That friend that is committed.

That friend that would do anything for anyone.

If everyone was a perfect friend, there would be peace.

There would be love.

Love is all we need.

Love is everything.

Everything leads to love.

Love....is.....life.

Get Laid.

Q: What does a Big Fat White women and a Brick have in common? 

A: Sooner or later, they will both be laid by a Mexican. 

Just like that brick we all get laid.  Sooner or later....but we here in Mormon land, we usually wait! But why? Young bricks don't wait to get laid, why shouldn't young people get laid? It is ridiculous!

But hey! I heard about this little thing called love! Love and bricks are completely opposite. Like love is so unsure, you can honestly never really know what love is because love is a mystery. But a brick is solid, you can know that there is a brick being thrown at you, but you might not know love is being thrown at you! I don't know ha it's all just a load of crap. Bricks and love and big fat white women have nothing in common! But the way you word things can make things sound alike ha 

Oh well,

Peace!

What is love...?

Love is stupid

Love is passionate

Love is childish

Love is intelligent 

Love is gross

Love is fantastic

Love is a mistake 

Love is to procreate

Love is sleep 

Love is questionable

Love is unknown

Love is terrifying

Love is ups and downs

Love is perfect

Love is wrong

Love is shy

Love is outgoing

Love is where you don't want to go

Love is all we want

Love is embarrassing 

Love is crazy

Love is returning

Love is leaving

Love is gone

Love is never gonna leave

Love is life

Love is death

Love is protective

Love is against you

Love is......anything you want it to be.

That is love.

Losing..

One thing that pisses me off more than anything. Is when you play a sport and you lose and you see people laughing and smiling. I mean you just lost? Why the _____ would you be happy..? Idk I just really hate that! you should be freaking pissed so you are ready to come back and be motivated to just kill it in practice and the next game. 

I understand that you have to cool down and keep a level head. But not while your still on the _____ field!? It takes some time to be okay. Idk I am just pissed that people don't take a loss seriously. Just if you are one of those kids and your gonna be happy then don't go be happy in front of everyone be happy at home. And if your gonna not even be upset you lost just quit the sport!? If your not gonna take it seriously then leave. 

Am I an athlete?

In sports, people are often called athletes. But what makes someone an athlete? Is it because they are a starter? Or is it because they have good stamina? I honestly don't know the answer. But from what I have seen, It looks like someone is an athlete when they know and can do a little bit of everything. For example: Chase Hansen was an athlete because he had endurance, stamina, raw talent and he was just super human. But what made him an athlete in my eyes was the fact that he also played basketball. They way he can be so successful in two sports is an incredible accomplishment.

An athlete doesn't have to play more than one sport though. They can excel in one sport and just be and overall athlete. The dictionary says and athlete is: a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise. So I guess if you are good at sports then you are an athlete.

So are you an athlete? Are we all? Or is it an accomplishment that few people get? Or is it an opinion? 

That is for you to decide. 

 

If only...

Childhood is a treasure. A treasure I wish I could have back. From the freeness and innocence to the simplicity and casualness. Life was easy. There were no worries. Well other than you always thinking "WHERE IS MOM!?!!?" That is all I honestly cared about. If I didn't know where she was at all times I suddenly became apart of the search and rescue. Haha it's weird but we all know its true. 

I loved my childhood. One thing I miss the most is the lack of...drama...it seems like after 6th grade, everyone just became these dramatic little snitches. There was nothing anyone could do to avoid it. Drama was life. And it still is. Haha I remember I used to freak out when I would be texting someone and they wouldn't text me back. And it was like the end of the world!! Instantly i would think to myself: why do they hate me?, what did I do?, am I a bad person?...we all know all of us have thought that! It's awful and embarrassing haha.

Well I want my childhood back. I want to be who I used to be. I don't necessarily like who I have become. Take me back.

If only.....if only...

Hunger Games

Human. What is a human? Are we human? 

Everyone believes we are humans. But how do we know that? What if we are like chess pieces in the hands of real humans? Do we know that? No. There is no proof! As far as we know we could be like the hunger games. Just a game that the "real" humans play for entertainment. Think about that. It's truly possible. You know when you have that feeling that you are being watched, or that you aren't in Control of your life...

Think about it. Spend a little time to research or ponder on whether we are humans or not. 

Are we human, or what are we?

Intro

Manchester Black is the leader of the crime fighting group The Elite. He had a really rough childhood...he was beat daily  by his father and vowed to help make the world a better place. 

He is a motivation to me because he has such a crappy life and he could have became like his dad but he decided to make the best of his life and work to make the world a better place.